As a dude, there's something satisfying about enjoying a stiff Scotch on the rocks or a Manhattan at the end of a long day. Women may turn their nose up at our dude drinks, but that's also part of the appeal. We're men; we like feeling tough.

Sometimes, though? Sometimes we just want something fruity that tastes good. Sometimes we just want to chug a lady drink, kick off our uncomfortable high heels and just DANCE! Just us? This is awkward.

Here's a short list of the acceptable (and never acceptable) lady drinks for men.

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    Piña Colada

    This classic summer booze slurpee was created in 1954 at the Caribe Hilton Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It's sweet, fruity, and full of rum for speedy inebriation  It's also heavily decorated with umbrellas and cherries and other lady things we like to steer clear of, in general.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: When you're actually in Puerto Rico (or any other tropical location), when it's made with real Puerto Rican rum, when you have an abundance of pineapples and coconuts, due to some unforeseen fruit surplus emergency, when it's served in an actual hollowed-out coconut or pineapple, or at a Chinese restaurant with one of those bafflingly-extensive illustrated menus of tropical drinks.

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    White Wine

    White wine is for women. Ask them, they'll tell you as much. While men can enjoy with dinner, it's not usually the first thing a guy grabs for when he's alcohol thirsty. "Man, mowing that lawn was a beast! Time to kick back with some nice Robert Mondavi!"

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: At a wine tasting, at a gallery opening where the wine is free and they are out of red, at your mother in law's house, when she offers you wine and you accept before she retrieves the giant jug of Carlo Rossi from the pantry, or when stranded on the 'LOST' island and drinking it from the bottle, Desmond-style.

    Never OK: Spritzers.

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    Dirty Shirley

    If you're not familiar, a Dirty Shirley is a Shirley Temple (7-Up and Grenadine), with vodka added. It tastes nothing like alcohol.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: While stranded somewhere with plenty of 7-Up and vodka (if you skip the grenadine, no one will know), during a mandatory Shirley Temple movie marathon, after the wake of your grandma Shirley (providing she was awesome).


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    Boone's Farm

    If there really is a farmer named Boone, then his farm is surely in hell. This swill is the worst. Don't let the wine bottle fool you, 9th grader with a fake ID, there is no such thing as a blue grape.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: In hell, at gunpoint, or if diabetic and attempting suicide via hypoglycemic shock (it will work).


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    Long Island Iced Tea

    Rum, gin, vodka, tequila, sour mix and a splash of cola. That's a drink, alright. We're not actually sure why this is considered to be a lady-drink, it's a pretty intense cocktail which magically tastes like Iced Tea, despite being 99% hard booze.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: Any time you need to pretend you're drinking regular iced tea and any time you need to get emergency drunk ASAP. Also any time no one is looking and you want something delicious.

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    Whiskey Sour

    Just from the way this drink is served, you can tell that it's supposed to appeal to women. Despite its name, a whiskey sour has very little to do with whiskey and tastes more like candy than a cocktail. Made correctly though, the whiskey sour was a classic working man's cocktail in the 50s and 60s. Take out all of the fruit and use quality ingredients and it's possible to enjoy one without too much shame.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: Stripped down to it's essence, and only when made with rye whiskey.

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    We took Spanish in high school, so we're no fools -- "ita" means it's for girls. Don't get us wrong, we love tequila, but ordering a Margarita opens up too many quality variables to be a safe bet. In the best case scenario, you are served a slightly girly-looking mix of tequila, Cointreau and lime or lemon juice, in a salt-rimmed glass.

    In the worst case scenario, a gigantic flaming fishbowl full of corn syrup and bottom-rung tequila is slammed down in front of you at a chain restaurant, and you wake up in bed with the 70-year-old waitress.

    There is just too much room for error. Steer clear.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: In Mexico, in an authentic Mexican restaurant, on Cinco De Mayo, with Mexican friends, while thinking about Mexico or any time they are 2-for-1.

    Never OK: Frozen. Always on the rocks.

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    Skinnygirl Margarita

    Launched in 2009 by 'Real Housewives of New York' alum Bethenny Frankel, Skinnygirl Cocktails is a fast-growing line of low calorie, ready-to-drink cocktails.

    When it's okay for a man to drink it: Never. It's advertising campaign has it surrounded by cupcakes. Cut it out.

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