The Stanley Cup has given way to the D-cup.

In the greatest contribution to the world since allowing Yakov Smirnoff to come to the US, Metallurg Magnitogorsk, a team in Russia’s Kontinental Hockey League, recently staged a unique promotion in which half-naked women worked in the ticket office. You could say they were a real piece of ice (yes, it’s lame, but we couldn’t resist).

A team official said it was all in the name of getting fans excited (and not just in their nether regions):

We wanted to cheer the fans up before the upcoming home stand. We held auditions for night club dancers and three of them got offers to work in the ticket windows!”

Translation: this was just a gimmick to get fannies in the seats. Could it work in the States? Probably, since sex sells.

With that in mind, here’s a look at some sexual hockey terms that we just couldn’t figure out a way to work into this story, but felt would benefit humanity:

  • Penalty box
  • He shoots…he scores
  • Hooking
  • Poke check
  • Stickhandling
  • Two-on-one
  • Three-on-one
  • Stanley Hump
  • Columbus Blue Balls
  • Zamboner
  • Power lay

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