The 5 Stages of Farting In Front of Your Girlfriend [PART 2]

This is Part 2 of 'The 5 Stages of Farting In Front of Your Girlfriend.' Click here to read Part 1.

Stage 4: Wait and See

So, you let it slip and she heard it. The next few moments will be among the longest in your life. Every horrible scenario that can come forth from this error will race through your mind in an instant. She freaks out and breaks up with you? You think of it. She freaks out and murders you? You think of it. She’s so disgusted that she vomits? You think of it. You will think of every insane possible outcome until, inevitably, she gives you her reaction.

What that reaction is will depend on the girl. If you’re dating a sane girl, she will laugh, smile, feel a bit awkward then get over it, or any combination of those reactions. And if the girl you’re dating is sane and she does react in one of those ways, it’s…

Stage 5: Bombs Away!

Stage 5 is the stage all couples reach, given they’re together for enough time. Stage 5 is when neither of you cares about what sounds and smells the other produces, and you don’t care where the sounds or smells come from. Mouth, butt…elsewhere.

By this point, you are so used to each other that nothing fazes you. You’re both in this for the long haul and you both realized this a long time ago. You’ve long since given up trying to impress with your strengths and hide your weaknesses, even if those perceived weaknesses are the base, immature things that make us human. You care about each other on a level a lot of people can’t understand, may never understand. You fart. So what? Who cares? It’s just a fart. When you’re with someone you love, a fart is just another thing that happens and it’s not even worth acknowledging…unless it’s especially loud and really funny, which they almost always are.