What Your Vintage Concert Tour T-Shirt Says About You

I placed in an arm wrestling tournament at a pub more than once. Never quite won the championship, but I definitely didn’t finish last.

I didn’t watch the halftime show of the 2010 Super Bowl because if I did it would have tarnished any memory I had of a one time great band.

I’m pretty sure my parents liked Springsteen so I bought this thing on eBay for $150. It’ll make me cool, right?

I have spent over $100 at a Tommy Bahama on one visit and may or may not own a plush parrot that I bring out when I’ve had too many drinks.

I can sing into a hairbrush better than anyone on the radio, but if I’m in front of anyone I can’t quite pull it off.

I’ve watched episodes of MASH to try and find a deeper meaning or discover what the writers were really trying to tell us.

I support equal marriage rights and drunk driving.

I will only watch the first five seasons of The Simpsons. The other seasons are insulting.

I have a tattoo somewhere on my body of a skull and crossbones, except the bones are replaced with pistols, and the skull is wearing a cowboy hat.

I got a few weird looks going to the Revlon counter asking for a lipstick that would match my skin tone, but that’s the price of rock ‘n roll.

It's hard for me to reach the gas pedal in my Trans-Am because my leather pants made it difficult to move my legs from side to side.

I bought a saxophone when I was 19 because I thought one day I could be the final member of the band.

I’ve daydreamed about how cool it would be if Phil Collins had me sit center, front row and sang a song to me about watching a teen drown.

I may or may not still own a pair of gloves with the fingers cut out of them. I also aspired to dance with those guys who perform in the subway. I also tried to dance on the ceiling once. Broke my tailbone.

My kids were conceived during a guitar solo while we were high.

I’ve ingested more breaths of marijuana than I have breaths that don’t include marijuana.

One time I asked one of my bros “How do my bangs look? Are they big enough?”

I was suspended from high school for smoking in the bathroom and telling the principal to “stuff it” more times than I made the honor roll.

I still listen to my music on a Walkman because I think iPods destroy the quality of the music.

I never stopped calling him Johnny Cougar. Ain't that America?

I’ve at least contemplated biting the head off of a live chicken while being covered in blood.

I spent more time learning to moonwalk than I did watching MJ trial coverage.