Good afternoon and welcome to the first installment of Wine Wednesdays. Each week, I will delve into a particular grape or region to give you a brief tutorial and some easy tips to make you look like a prick-ish wine snob. The goal of this series is to do the impossible -- To make you scumbags look like sophisticated oenophiles. You can thank me later for helping you impress clients and bed a greater number of women.

Each wine I discuss will receive a simple 1 to 10 rating. Unlike other wine publications, the wine will be rated on both quality and affordability. Other wine publications only focus on quality. Who gives a crap if Roederer Cristal got a 97 point rating from Wine Snob Monthly? A stripper’s butt cannot tell the difference between expensive vintage champagne and a screw top sparkling wine from your local wine shop. We consider price and taste to be of equal importance.

Meet the 'Hot Intern' of Wines

Let’s get started with today’s wine -- Beaujolais Nouveau (Bo-Je-Lay New-Vo). The first step with any wine is to be able to pronounce it properly. It doesn’t matter how much you know about the wine, if you pronounce it incorrectly you are going to look like a total noob and people will just point and laugh.

Beaujolais Nouveau is the hot intern of the wine world. Allow me to explain; The hot intern arrives at the same time each year, in early summer after her spring semester. Beaujolais Nouveau arrives at the same time every year too, the third Wednesday of November. The hot intern is always really young. Beaujolais Nouveau is only fermented for a few weeks before it is released. Every year another batch of hot interns arrive at the office and you start to notice they are all really the same girl every time. Beaujolais Nouveau is very similar each year. It is always made with 100% Gamay grapes and always has a similar flavor profile of cherries and raspberries. The hot intern is easy going, it doesn’t matter if you are asking her to run out for coffee or go out for an after work happy hour. Beaujolais Nouveau is also easy going. It goes with just about any food or by itself.

Sadly, the hot intern at the office is also not around that long. She has to go back to college in the fall. Beaujolais Nouveau also is not around that long and is usually impossible to find by the New Year.

Bottles of Beaujolais Nouveau usually range from $9-$14 dollars which won't put that big of a dent in your already miniscule bank account. No comment on how much the intern costs.

Tip from a Wine Guy

When drinking Beaujolais Nouveau say “I like this vintage better than last year's vintage.” This makes it sound like you know what you are talking about and it’s also impossible to refute since last year’s vintage is unavailable by the time this year’s vintage is released.

Rating: 7 out of 10

If you want to pick up a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau, I suggest the Beaujolais Nouveau from Georges DuBoeuf. Georges DuBoeuf's Beaujolais Nouveau is the widely available and of a high quality. The Georges Duboeuf will also be a huge hit with the ladies. The label changes every year but is always very colorful and eye catching. Ladies love colorful labels. I worked in retail wine for over four years and you could sell a lady a bottle of horse piss if it had a fun label.

Drink well gentlemen,

The Wine Guy