I'm dating someone new and really want to turn things up in the sack. Where can I touch her to really make her nuts? -- Nick, 24, Brooklyn, NY


For most women, the clitoris is the primary source of sexual pleasure. Although much smaller than a penis, the clitoris is actually packed with just as many pleasure-producing nerve endings as a penis. So that’s your focus—but what really matters is how the clitoris is stimulated and when it is stimulated.

Women vary just as much as men when it comes to what, exactly, turns them on. There are a few basic rules: start slowly and enjoy/pleasure her entire body; let her responses or words guide you about what she wants; don’t move too quickly to intercourse; enjoy the build-up and excitement of foreplay. But beyond those general guidelines, you really just need to experiment. Talk to her…ask her, “Does that feel good?” or “How do you like to be touched?” And keep in mind that sometimes a woman will enjoy being touched at one point in lovemaking, but not at others—sometimes breasts or clitoris can become super-sensitive and you’ll need to ease off or stop touching/sucking/caressing that part of her body.

You could also try finding, or stimulating, the area called the “G-spot”, which is typically a small area on the roof of the vagina near the opening of the urethra. There’s a lot of uncertainty about this fabled area—some women say it’s wonderfully sensitive, some say it doesn’t exist. The jury’s out…but it can’t hurt to find out for yourself. Sex positions that increase the likelihood of finding the G-spot include those that shallowly stimulate the top wall of the vagina. Having the woman on top is great for allowing a woman to lean forward or back to see if a certain angle hits the spot or better stimulates the clitoris and/or G-spot. You can also try rear-entry positions, with the woman experimenting with how far down she leans.

With an open, playful attitude the challenge of finding the best techniques or positions to bring a woman maximum pleasure can be a source of pleasure in itself!

Dr. Harry Fisch is a board certified urologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Medical College of Cornell University. He’s here to answer reader questions in an effort to get guys to “man up about health.”


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