Name: Prodigy Pat

Location: Hartford, CT

Occupation: By day: Janitor at Hartford High School. By night: "Google Gatekeeper" at the Internet Nucleus Worldwide HQ, A.K.A. the Hartford HS computer lab, where he also lives, "for right now."

Hobbies: Increasing bandwidth (clicking that giant 1980's mouse rapidly), optimizing search-engine results (wearing 3D glasses and shouting 'OPTIMIZE!' in a dark, locker-lined hallway), fact-checking Wikipedia articles (calling 1800-numbers with his hand-free headset and harassing customer service reps), and ChatRoulette (hence the breast pumps).

5 Things he Can’t Live Without: His TMobile Sidekick, locker room shower privileges, electronic music, squatters rights, and tenure.

Skills: Though he graduated from Hartford in 1984, he has won the yearbook's 'Best Dressed' award consistently each year, with the exception of 2003, when he was on sabbatical for 'personal reasons.'

His Motto: “Al Gore stole that idea from me."

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. BTW! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email at jackie [@]