Researchers Claim ‘Vampire Treatment’ a Bloody Successful Cure for Baldness

Not since the invention of spray-on hair a treatment for baldness been so frightening.

Researchers at the International Hair Research Foundation and University of Brescia in Italy claim they've discovered a method for successfully re-growing a man's receding kwaffer that involves injecting a patient with a concoction produced by samples of their own blood – it’s called the “vampire treatment.”

According to the scientists, this blood-sucking process works by extracting “platelet-rich plasma from a patient’s blood" and delivering it back into the body through their scalp. Researchers believe this stimulates new cells beneath the skin and assists in reversing male pattern baldness.

“We think it can help to regrow hair on people with androgenic alopecia (male-pattern baldness),” said lead researcher, Dr. Fabio Rinaldi. “We believe it is the best treatment available, apart from surgery.”

In a study of approximately fifty patients, the vampire treatment proved to significantly regrow more hair in bald patches than the traditional steroid treatment. Researchers believe the results of this study will enable them to eventually formulate a cream as a means for achieving successful hair growth without the use of needles.

Now, if science could only find a way to get rid of our beer guts - without needles...or exercise.