WWE ‘SmackDown’ Preview – [3/23/12]

Are you excited for' SmackDown' this Friday night? You should be, and we’re going to give you five reasons why through the magic of pre-taped wrestling shows and spoilers on obsessive-compulsive dirt sheets. And naturally, since we’re talking about a show you haven’t seen yet, SPOILER WARNINGS are in full effect.

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Christian on commentary

Though he hasn’t done much since his return, and his top 'SmackDown' heel position has been pretty successfully usurped by Daniel Bryan, I’m still excited to have Christian back on WWE television. Granted, I’d be a lot happier if he was doing what he was best at and, you know, wrestling, but still, Christian talking is definitely better than no Christian talking, so I’ll take what I can get.

This week, Captain Charisma will climb behind the commentator’s table to help call a match between Dolph Ziggler and the Great Khali. The match itself sounds like an absolute mess of outside interference, false finishes and restarted matches, designed to further sell the snoozeworthy ongoing Long/Laurinaitis feud, but I’ll go ahead and guarantee that Christian will get at least one chuckle out of you, even if it’s just on account of his Canadian accent.

Daniel Bryan's a jerk

For far too long, WWE billed Daniel Bryan as a spunky underdog, devoid of any charisma. Now, courtesy of his tremendous heel run (discussed in more detail here), we’re getting to see how crazy off-base WWE booking was (imagine that), as Bryan continues to develop into one of the most interesting and hateable villains on WWE television.

Aside from yelling “YES! YES! YES!” and his over-the-top proclamations of his commitment to veganism, my favorite part of Bryan’s constantly evolving heel gimmick is how he treats his doting girlfriend A.J. This week, he takes his condescending, mean-spirited treatment of his ladyfriend to a new level as he makes A.J. explain why she loves him in front of the audience.

Somebody call my mama

If you had asked me last year whether I’d like to see monstrous-looking big man Brodus Clay repackaged with a dancing gimmick, I would have most likely responded in the negative. But I’ve been eating healthy portions of crow every time the newly christened Funkasaurus hits the ring, as he and his back-up dancers perfectly sell the ridiculous gimmick. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been on television as much as he once was, possibly due to Vince McMahon not thinking his work was up to snuff...if the dirt sheets are to be believed.

While it’s not a full dose – more of an appetizer really – you’ll be able to get a little bit of Funk this week on 'SmackDown' as Clay takes on Heath Slater. Naturally, being that Slater is involved, it’s a simple squash, which is too bad, as I’m interested to see if, when and how they start getting Clay involved into an actual storyline. Still: Funk is on a roll, folks.

The Hall gets widened for Yokozuna

When a lousy, untalented big man wrestler gets a rocket strapped to him, I get as frustrated as any other internet smark wrestling fan worth his weight in puroresu DVDS. But just because a wrestler is a disgustingly massive human being doesn’t mean he’s necessarily untalented, as there’s a whole skill set involved with being a big man wrestler as great as Yokozuna was.

It might just be that I was the exact right age to freak out about him getting bodyslammed by Lex Luger, or his feud with Bret Hart, but I’m kind of a giant Yokozuna fan. So I’m really looking forward to his WWE Hall of Fame induction announcement this week on 'SmackDown'. You could go watch the induction video on WWE’s website right now if you really wanted, but I’m going to wait and watch it on my television whilst pretending to be Japanese in tribute.

Some decent wrestling!

One of my favorite parts about 'SmackDown' is that without as many celebrity guests, video packages or long, drawn out conversations between middle-aged men as WWE’s flagship show, 'Raw,' the Friday night program typically boasts a decent amount more of actual wrestling. And while I haven’t seen it yet, I feel secure in predicting that 'SmackDown’s' main event will end up winning my coveted “Sitterson Match of the Night” award.

Why’s that? Because it features CM Punk & Sheamus going head-to-head-to-head-to-head with Daniel Bryan & The Miz. No, it’s not going to be as good as the amazing bout Punk and Bryan had a few weeks back, but it’s nonetheless going to be a solid, entirely watchable match. Plus, I still find it crazy to think that we’re living in a world where Punk and Bryan are not only headlining a WWE show, but they’re doing it with the WWE and World Heavyweight titles around their waists. Whenever I feel like bitching about WWE, I try and remind myself of that simple fact.

Aubrey Sitterson is a professional writer and editor specializing in comics and professional wrestling. For GuySpeed, he writes weekly reviews or 'Monday Night Raw' and previews of 'Friday Night Smackdown.' Follow him on Twitter.