The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Here is Why I Can’t Wait To Stop Trimming My Nose Hairs [Half a Man]
It was, by far, the largest clump of nose hair thine eyes had seen in the flesh. A county fair worthy thatch of hair protruding out the left nostril, like weeds who had found a small sidewalk crack out of which to flourish. It was mesmerizing, snow white, and honestly I couldn't stop since he boarded the train.
J.Crew Leather iPhone Case Because People Don’t Hate You Enough
There is such a thing as phone envy. We know, because we suffer from it every time a coworker whips out an iPhone 5 and it reminds us of our iPhone 0 because we can't afford an iPhone. We hate those people. We'd hate them even more if they had a leather iPhone case.
Watch this College Football Player Casually Complete a 65” Box Jump
For some people, athleticism looks boring. Take Dan Sullivan for example, a 6'2, 235 pound linebacker from Monmouth University in New Jersey. He makes this 65" box jump look like he was skipping over a puddle and onto a curb as to not ruin his brand new kicks...
Rhinestone Pokeball Bra is Making Our Pokeman Stiff
Sure to be loved by all Pokeman fans and hated by women who actually want to wear a comfortable bra -- the Rhinestone Pokeball Bra is now available on Etsy.
Heineken Beer is Getting Into the Shoe Business
In recent years, Heineken beer has slapped their label on headphones, watches, sneakers and duffel bags. Now the beer brand is getting into the shoe business with retail store Union LA and designer Mark McNairy.
Yabba Dabba Huh? John Cena to Replace Fred Flintstone on Fruity Pebbles Boxes
This is the type of news that makes you think it's either a major joke on the internet or the head of Post has lost his fruity pebbles mind.
Ralph Lauren Brings Back the Polo Bear Sweater
Go digging in mom and dad's closet for their classic Polo duds -- they are making a huge comeback.
Australians Perform World’s Largest Burnout
The Aussies are killing rubber down under.
‘Basement Lamborghini’ For Sale on eBay For Only $75K
Ken Imhoff has spent the last 17 years of his life assembling a Lamborghini in the basement of this home. Day by day, part by part, Imhoff put together the automobile because of his passion for working on cars. Now he wants to cash in on that passion -- he's listed the car on eBay.
Sam Gordon, 9-Year-Old Female Football Phenom, Invited to Super Bowl
Remember Sam Gordon, the 9-year-old female version of Tecmo Bo Jackson? So does NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Her Pee Wee football highlight reel and gaudy season stats got the attention of NFL executives. She was invited to the Super Bowl in New Orleans after hanging out with Goodell at a Giants game.
Print My Ride — Papercruisers Paper Models
Jesse loves Toyota Land Cruisers. He also loves making models out of paper and cardboard. Of course those two affections would collide -- introducing Papercruisers.
Jesse brings his love of modeling and cars to the public with these awesome cardboard and paper replicas of his favorite rides...
Get Wood — Bow Ties Made of Lumber
These wooden bow ties from Two Guys bow ties make complete sense. It's a finely crafted piece of wood replacing the hard-to-tie fabric ties of your Grandpappy. They use only the highest quality, hard to find lumber, fabrics and leathers. Just like your Grandpappy. These wooden bow ties will last you forever. Just like your...oh..sorry.
Guy Builds Limo of Junk Parts Worth $1M
If you collect enough junk, and add up the value, it will eventually be worth something -- especially if you attach all that crap to a limo.
Riding Hoodies To Carry All Your Riding Goodies
There is nothing worse than going for a bike ride and running out of pockets to hold stuff. The order of inconveniences goes 1) too few pockets on clothes 2) death 3) war and 4) long lines for water ice.
Ever Think Iron Man’s Arc Reactor Would Look Cool On Your Wall? You’re in Luck
Tony Stark needs the arc reactor in his chest to stay alive. We all need light in the house to keep from stumbling around and killing ourselves. So, this arc reactor wall light makes perfect sense.
Heather Cox Gets Snubbed During Rose Bowl Interview and Asks ‘Are You Kidding Me?!?’
Hell hath no fury like a sideline reporter getting snubbed on national television. Fine, maybe ESPN reporter Heather Cox didn't unleash hell, but she did get a little miffed.
New Year’s Day is Second Most Popular Holiday to Boost a Car
Did you wake up January 1st with a bad hangover? Probably. Did you wake up January 1st and your car was stolen? Possibly.
Watch This Intense Giraffe Fight and Never Make Fun of Giraffe Again Because They Would OWN You
In this teaser for Discovery channel's upcoming documentary series Africa — which premieres January 8th — two giraffe go absolutely bonkers on one another.
Stainless Steel Paper Clip is So For Money and It Doesn’t Even Know It
Back before we were pulling in mad cash for writing this blog, several of the writers and editors used common office supplies for other purposes. We used bulldog clips during office S&M sessions, scrap paper as kindling to heat the office and paper clips to hold our dollar bills together.
Guy Eats Entire ‘Hobbit’ Menu at Denny’s
This is a story that sounds gets less interesting the more you read about it. Allow us to explain, though really you've got no choice but to let us, so stop acting like you've got power in this relationship.
When we first saw the story we thought the guy ate an entire hobbit, which is incredibly impressive considering the average hobbit probably tastes like crap...