This isn't the kind of homecoming anyone wants.

A woman in Memphis recently returned to her house after a few days away to find two intruders who had broken in were having sex on her couch.

Jamie Barnes, the unfortunate woman who walked in to find the real-life porno, said, "It's horrible in there. It's absolutely horrible in there. It's like they just had a big old nasty party."

Her reaction? "I pick up my broom, I wanted to hit that man so bad." Naturally, especially since the woman was getting her fill of a long hard stick.

The man ran away, but his partner, a saucy vixen named Tonka Barnes, was arrested.

Jamie Barnes, meanwhile, said "They ransacked my house and stole all my stuff: jewelry, appliances, clothes." We can only imagine the kind of kinky things they did with her blender while wearing her necklace.

Barned already had designs on moving and says this incident only fueled her desire to do so. She's even set up a GoFundMe page to help, which, as of this writing, has brought in slightly more money than a Carrot Top movie at Redbox.