The word "firecracker" and "crotch" have no business being in the same sentence.

Sadly, that's news to this wizard from China, who set off fireworks in his pants because, well, we have no idea why. And you know what? It's probably best we don't know what kind of distorted logic he employed to reach this stage of his nearly-eunuch-ified existence.

When you get right down to it, diarrhea is the only explosive thing that should ever be in your pants and the only time a man should ever experience this kind of burning in his pants is after he unwisely spends a night with a woman named Helga who he met at a biker bar while the STD convention was in town.

Strangely, allowing oneself to be the epicenter of where fireworks are set off seems to be something of a trend along the Pacific Rim, as this man joins this fellow Asian who detonated some off his nipples.

All of which supports the idea Americans are not the dumbest when it comes to fireworks, despite the best efforts of Jason Pierre-Paul to the contrary.

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