Homeless guys staking claim on city benches isn't anything new. So when this stuff makes headlines in Fort Myers, Florida, we’re pretty sure the town is in major need of some excitement. Cue Thomas Edwin IV. Sounds like a rich Wallstreet type who meticulously combs his stupid mustache every morning before folding up his pocket square, right? Wrong-- he’s said homeless man. We like this guy; he’s already throwing us a curveball!

Last Friday, Thomas was found naked on a park bench after locals complained to police that the nude dude was… well, playing with himself in front of them. According to The News-Press, authorities found the guy armed with ‘a pair of 3D glasses, 3 20-ounce cans of Ice House beer and a smashed cheeseburger.’ We’re not exactly fans of his brewski choice, but that’s besides the point.

Thomas had no explanation as to why he was publicly smackin' things around or why his cheeseburger was smashed, so he was taken into police custody.

We think he's just one of those cool homeless guys who has bad luck, because this definitely happened to us back in our frat days. Except, the bench was the steps to our girlfriend's sorority house, and the 3D glasses were assless chaps. The ladies loved it.

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