Justin Bieber Sued for Buying a Penis Pump?

It appears as if pretty boy-heart throb Justin Bieber is not only responsible for an upsurge in teenage finger-bang mishaps, but he also has sticky fingers and a swollen pecker, according to a recent lawsuit that alleges the popstar stole a credit card and used it to buy a penis pump.

Earlier this week, a man identifying himself as Selena Gomez’s father (Ricardo Gomez) filed a lawsuit against Justin Bieber in a Michigan court, which states that Bieber swiped his credit card when he wasn’t looking and racked up nearly $430 in charges for a peter pump that Gomez never once got to use and was never reimbursed for.

These insane court documents go on to say that in addition to being a petty thief with a small schlong that Bieber also financed an abortion for his girlfriend using the stolen card - and then the claims really get weird. “Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of July 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring Kate Perry [sic] firework song in my eardrums,” according to court documents.

However, after looking into this lawsuit a bit further, we have a sneaking suspicion that either Bieber is on the fast track to becoming the next Caligula or someone is full of something that smells almost as bad as his music – Bieber’s not Caligula’s.