With 650 little monsters in the ever growing ranks of Pokemon, it would only stand to reason that a few of their names would be lacking in the originality department. It doesn’t seem to be too difficult to name the little guys. But sometimes, you gotta get lazy when it comes to doing just that, which is why we did a list of the 10 Laziest Pokemon Names.
Here’s what a normal coffee fueled and excited Tuesday in the Pokemon naming department must have sounded like:
Steve: What is that one and what does he do? Dave: He’s a lizard that burns things. Steve: Hmm, well charring is an interesting way of burning and the giant salamander is a native to our region of Japan. Charmander? Dave: Brilliant!
But sometimes a batch of new Pokemon come through the office on a sleepy Friday afternoon before a long holiday weekend and you end up with something like this:
Steve: How many more do we have? Dave: Ten... Steve: *sigh* Come on then. Dave: This one is a heart shaped disc. Steve: LUVDISC! WOOO! LONG WEEKEND HERE WE COME! Dave: Sure, yeah, whatever. *tweets his plans for the weekend from his Pokephone*
Has that happened? Perhaps. The following is our roundup of the 10 Laziest Pokemon Names that must have resulted from a lack of caffeine at the Pokemon Naming Institute.
Starting off our list of the 10 Laziest Pokemon Names Ekans sounds mysterious, like the name of a rare reptile from the jungles of Borneo where fish slip across the mud. Is it really though? After hours of intense thought, research, and rearranging the letters according to the Fibonacci sequence, we decided to heroically give up on finding the mystery behind the name and possibly deem it not so lazy after all.
Wait. What did you say? Spell it backwards? S-N-A-K-E. Dammit! Really? You just flipped the spelling? That’s so lazy that there’s probably a keyboard shortcut for that. We would have thought of this earlier if we knew they were taking naming advice from Missy Elliot’s “Work It”.
It seems like Pokemon naming conventions have run out of concrete nouns to smash together and are now relying on the onomonopia you’d get from actually smashing two of these Pokemon together. Pokemon names should be something you don’t hear on a daily basis. Klinklang sounds like keys jangling around in your pocket or the crashing of subway cars together. To us, it is the sound of a lazy Pokemon naming department.
If they are going to make a Pokemon out of a scoop of ice cream plopped on a cone, couldn’t they have made it a more interesting flavor? Why not a dairy powered Chocolate-Chip-Cookie-Doughbert or rock type named Rockyroady. Well, our names are no better than the one given to it by the Poke-Professors, but we wish this name wasn’t so, wasn’t so — vanilla.
What sound do you get when you cross a pig and a spring? We’re not completely sure, but we have a hunch that it might be squealing. It certainly wouldn’t be this dastardly derived onomonopia mash up used as a name for this Pokemon. Although we appreciate the effort and restraint exhibited by not naming it “Spig,” some say that Spoink is a cop out, and that the Pokemon doesn’t even enjoy rolling in slop.
There are only so many ways you can mash up Sea and Horse, and one is already taken. Although it could be referring to the infantile form of horse that so many kids shout at the petting zoo, but somehow we doubt that. With their track record in the past, we’re willing to bet they they just cropped and chopped Seahorse to their own exhausted devices. Couldn’t this Pokemon’s name be a somewhat wet play on Equine? Aquine maybe? No? Just trying to help out.
Really? This name is so lazy that it could have been made by a hurried typing accident. Someone was typing up the narration for a nature program when they saw the genius that auto-correct missed. There, underlined in squiggly red, was the name for a Pokemon that looks like a seal. This is the only entry on our list of the 10 Laziest Pokemon Names with a name that sounds exactly the same as its real life counterpart.
Krabby is a unique case in the realm of Pokemon names. It not only describes the origins and look of the Pokemon it is ascribed to, but it might accurately describe the feelings of the people who named the poor little guy. This one has to have been a cruel joke that made it past the copy editors. The writers were having a rough day. They probably had a wild night out and were a little perturbed that they were stuck at work in the early morning hours. The drawing of a crab came across their desk. They attached their salty feelings to the ocean critter and swapped out a letter. Job done and cash the check.
This Pokemon is particularly sad. During the naming process, the monster under the giant beam wasn’t even taken into account. The namers were too busy picking out letters from a Scrabble bag to try and spell girder with twice as many r’s to nab that triple word score. Look at him. He’s just sitting there with a name taken from the thing he is holding. He looks depressed. Let’s call him Pokemuscles. (Hey, we never said we were good at this naming thing either.)
This thing doesn’t even have a face. What does it evolve in to, a chandelier? Regardless of how desperate the Pokemon designers are getting for new monsters, Lampent is sinking to an all new low when it comes to nomenclature. We’ll give you a choice of naming stories for this one. Either this Pokemon was named after a desk accessory with a few letters slapped on the end, or it was named using the combination of useful desk accouterments and the word sentient. You already know which one we’ve chosen.
Now it's time for the #1 entry in our list of the 10 Laziest Pokemon Names. Why is it the laziest? Because it does not adhere to the nonsensical conventions of every other Pokemon. It doesn’t flip flop letters, smash together sounds, or describe what sort of powers whirl about inside this little guy. Instead, someone decided to apply the logic of “piglet” to a duck and add an extra t just for good measure. It is logical, boring, and most of all, lazy. Three attributes that none of us want from the world of Pokemon.