There are many good reasons to have kids. They come out really cute, they say the darndest things and if you do a good job raising them, they might even take care of you in your "poops just because" stage of life. If you are thinking of having a child because it means that for at least 18 years you will have somebody to fetch you a beer, maybe you should think again.

Just ask Floridian Robert Hagerman -- the 56-year-old got miffed when his daughter wouldn't grab him a beer from the fridge. So applying some stellar drunk logic, he called 911 on his flesh and blood.

Labeling it a "domestic abuse situation," Hagerman claimed to the dispatcher that his girl was abusing drugs and throwing things at him. However, when the cops arrived, they found dad heavily inebriated and unresponsive and realized something was amiss.

Their suspicions were confirmed when the daughter played an audio recording of her dad threatening to call the police if she didn't bring him a cold one. Hagerman was arrested on a charge of making a false report of a crime.

He never would have had this problem if he just bought himself a dog.

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