Make no mistake about it -- there have been many parties that have gone from bad to worse simply because they involve a wild, liquored-up orgy full of sadistic pyromaniacs with only half a brain between them.

Unfortunately, the only one that comes to mind is an incident that occurred near Darwin, Australia, last Saturday night, where a 23-year-old man nearly blew off a chunk of his rear-end and part of his testicles after cramming a bunch of firecrackers up his bunghole and setting them off.

According to Senior Sergeant Garry Smith, the explosion caused the man to receive severe burns to his cheeks, back and “private bits,” which ultimately led to someone calling for an emergency response unit. However, buy the time paramedics arrived on the scene, the unidentified man had already blown the party (literally) and rushed himself to the hospital to seek treatment.

While police suspect alcohol was likely a factor, we are absolutely positive that it was. After all, what other brand of lunacy could sponsor such a horrendous parlor trick?

The man’s injuries were so serious that he was later transferred to a burn center at the Royal Adelaide Hospital. Good lord, aloe is not going to take care of that one. Authorities say that aside from the man almost rendering himself a eunuch, he could also face stiff penalties because fireworks are illegal in that region with the exception of Territory Day, which was over a month ago.

Our advice to all of you is to keep all explosives as far away from your back crack and nut sack as you can - no matter what day it is.

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