The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Looking For a New Massage Alternative? How About a Rub Down From 48NN Breasts?
Kristy Love spent a year learning to be a masseuse. She was unable to secure a gig, not because she wasn't good at her job, but because of her massive 48NN chest.
Can’t Relate to Teens? Introducing Twerking for Moms
Are you a mom? Do you have a teen daughter you just don't understand?
Here’s a 39-Foot Tall Vagina in Case You’ve Never Seen One
We're not even going to pretend we know the first thing about art but here is a piece of artistry we'll gladly get inside of behind.
10 Practical Uses For Your Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress
Kevin Cotter's wife left him with almost nothing after their break-up. The one thing she did leave, however, ended up changing Kevin's life maybe even more than the divorce. She left her wedding dress.
Interactive Map Shows Just What Type of Smut Your State Searches For the Most
You can learn a lot about a person based on 1) where they live and 2) their internet history. Today I learned the US is filled with fans of creampies and not the kind made by Hostess.
Comedian Kurt Braunholer Gives the Sh*ttiest Interview of All Time
Kurt Braunholer doesn’t give a crap about taking a crap. The popular comedian and host of the ‘The K Ohle’ with Kurt Braunohler podcast on the Nerdist network is very open when it comes to what goes on behind bathroom doors.
Erin Andrews & Charissa Thompson of Fox Sports 1 Are Our First Ever ‘Double Celeb Crushes’
In case you're unaware, or don't care about sports, Fox Sport 1 launched last week.
10 ‘Kick-Ass’ Reasons You’d Make an AWFUL Vigilante Hero
'Kick-Ass 2' hit theaters, which means the number of masked vigilantes on the prowl will quadruple.
12 Bulls**t Lines People Use During Break-ups — And What They Actually Mean
Yesterday, I overheard one dude-bro discussing with another dude-bro his flatlining relationship and the correct procedure to "dump the nut job."
A Day in the Life of Hunter S. Thompson
Author E. Jean Carroll's 1993 biography, Hunter: The Strange and Savage Life of Hunter S. Thompson, available for free online. It's available for download in in PDF and RTF formats.
How to Tell a Killer Joke — With Help From Jackie ‘The Joke Man’ Martling
At least once a week, someone in the office will seize the opportunity -- either at lunch, around the coffee machine or while we're all huddled underneath our desks for a nap -- to tell the group a joke. Nine times out of ten the joke BOMBS.
If ‘The Godfather’ Were Rebooted, Who Would Play Each Role?
'The Godfather' should never be touched. We're referring to both the fictional character and the entire movie franchise. It can never be improved upon (fine, the third movie needs a little work) and remains one of the greatest treasures in cinema.
6 Ways to Use Your Mom to Pick Up Women
Every dating website will preach the importance of a "wing man." Wing men are overrated. Wing women are the key to sex-cess.
Dad Spends Summers Drawing Awesome Cartoons On Kid’s Lunch Bag — Makes Your Dad Look Lazy As Hell
Remember your brown bag lunches? They probably didn't look anything like these.
‘Keith and the Girl’ Eat Weird Candy & Talk Uncomfortable Podcast Moments [INTERVIEW]
Keith and the Girl have been podcasting since before the world knew podcasting was an actual thing.
Someone Broke Into My Car, So I Bought a Pair of $200 Sunglasses [HALF A MAN]
Before that morning, anything could have been inside that glove compartment and I wouldn't have known or cared, but when you get robbed, it forces a person to take personal inventory.
7 Reasons Getting a Lift From Superman Probably Isn’t as Awesome as it Sounds
The big news coming from last week's Comic-Con was that the Man of Steel and the Caped Crusader will finally share the big screen.
Roddy Piper Comments on Ric Flair’s Recent Arrest Warrant
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper, never a man to mince words or not speak his mind, was a recent guest on WODZ to promote an upcoming 2CW Wrestling show and Piper's Pit in Utica, NY.
19 Atrocious Photos That Prove Engagement Pics Are Always a Bad Idea
Our philosophy with wedding planning is simple -- just let the woman have what she wants as long as it doesn't involve future shame. Engagement photos are future shame.
You Shouldn’t Sleep With Your Girlfriend Anymore – Here Are Five Reasons Why [Half a Man]
I’m a firm believer that couples should share everything -- except a bed. Unfortunately, I’m in the minority.