Man Admits To Pooping In Neighbors’ Yards…For 20 Years

Neighbors can be annoying. Some play loud music until the early morning hours. Others poop in your yard every day for the past 20 years… Wait, what?

Police in Salisbury, Md.  met with Kelly Ervin, 48, after they had received numerous complaints of human feces and toilet paper left on private property. Ervin explained to police that he is a regular runner: he runs every morning and, when he hits the two-mile mark, he needs to have a bowel movement. He said he has done so for 20 years.

The cops told Ervin to stop pooping in his neighborhood, but the officers returned days later after another neighbor produced video evidence, captured via a home surveillance system, of Ervin exiting his Jeep, dropping his trousers and pooping in his neighbor's driveway.

Ervin explained that he had stomach pain and was compelled to relieve himself, even though he saw the camera that would record his mad pooping exploits. Cops charged Ervin with littering or dumping under 100 pounds. It's a misdemeanor, perhaps only kept from being a felony by Ervin's avoidance of the all-you-can-eat pasta buffet.

The kicker: Ervin coached a girl’s team at the Salisbury Lacrosse Club. The squad is known as the “Scoopers.” Let's hope they haven't ever been invited to train with their coach.

[Via The Smoking Gun]