Senior Citizen Caught Bumping Wooly Uglies with Swedish Sheep

In Ronneby, Sweden, the real wild animals are not four-legged beasts living in barns - they are the senior citizens raping the wool off critters in the middle of fields.

According to a report from a Swedish newspaper, a local farm hand allegedly witnessed a naked old man between the age of 60 and 70 years old bumping wooly uglies with a hogtied sheep in the middle of a pasture. Someone failed to explain to the old guy that lambskin is something that you put on your pecker, not something you put it into.

Police inspector Ronny Gotessson said “The employee saw it when it all was, so to speak, coming to an end. He was so shocked that he did not have time to stop the man who did it."

However, what this dirty old man did may only be a crime if he actually hurt the sheep during his freaky field exhibition.

Animal lovin’ has been decriminalized in Sweden since 1944, but people who commit acts of bestiality can still be charged with animal cruelty if they happen to get a little too excited and cause the animal pain and suffering. From where we come from, having your back legs tied while getting a one-eyed geriatric weasel pumped deep inside constitutes pain and suffering.

While the extent of the sheep’s injuries is not known, the sheep rapist is still on the loose. Authorities suspect picking him out of a line-up will be relatively easy since he will likely be the only one wearing a wool condom.