The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Apollo 10 Mission Transcripts Explains Incident With ‘Floating Poop’
Apollo 10, the 1969 around-the-moon space mission, is back in the news after transcripts resurfaced which explain, in graphic detail, about a "close encounter with the turd kind."
Trevor Moore of ‘The Whitest Kids U Know’ Talks ‘Drunk Texts’ & Tom Hanks Being an ‘A**hole’
Trevor Moore sends more drunk texts than the normal person. They are usually offensive, odd and just plain bizarre. Luckily, he only ever sends them to himself.
Killswitch Engage Guitarist Adam Dutkiewicz Talks ‘Disarm the Descent’ and Cadbury Eggs
'Disarm The Descent', the latest album from the Massachusetts metal band Killswitch Engage, marks the return of original singer Jesse Leach to the group. After ten years away, Leach brings back the voice that powered the group to gold records and Grammy nominations.
This Video Pretty Much Sums Up Every Customer Service Experience Ever
I don't even bother calling customer service anymore. If I've got an issue with something, I just rub on some magic voodoo dolls I bought at a Walgreens and hope the issue resolves itself as quickly as possible.
This gentleman in the video still believes customer service can be of some help...
Any Interest in a $1K Easter Egg? You’re in Luck — Go Here
Ever frequent a restaurant just for the deserts? I'm talking about places more decadent than Friendly's and their Fribble. Sugar and Plumm is that kind of joint. Sure, the food is great too, but the deserts are like an outtake from Willy Wonka's wet dreams...
It’s Time For ‘March Sadness’ — The Bracket of Everything that Makes a Guy Sad
March Madness brackets and the crowning of an NCAA champion in men's basketball is important to a select few people. The crowning of the saddest thing that can happen to a man is much more vital to the our readers. We're just assuming. We're just kind of sick of talking about basketball. We're burned out and the tourney isn't even a day old.
It’s Fred Rogers’ Birthday So Let’s Celebrate With Some Classic ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood’ Clips
At one point in time, everybody knew Mr. Rogers. It was almost impossible to turn on the television and not catch Fred throwing on his signature cardigan or Bobo shoes and teaching people about the way bread is made or why dogs are constantly sticking their noses up one another's anus...
It’s Hard to Write a ‘Dear Jane’ Letter When Your Hand is Shaking in Fear [Half a Man]
Polly was crazy. I wasn’t positive of this until my father, never one to mince words or use words to speak unkindly about another person, called to say, “Son, I think Polly is crazy.”
Eli the Guinness Artist at Conor O’Neills — Go Here
St. Patrick's Day is a few days away. On Sunday, you'll be downing pints before you even get a chance to admire the head.
Let’s Celebrate 50 Years of Bret Michaels With Some Embarrassingly Awesome Photos
Bret Michaels, the former leader of Poison, winner of 'Celebrity Apprentice' and driving force behind all those awesome seasons of 'Rock of Love' turns 50 years old today.
7 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Meet a Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day
Leprechauns, the faires of Irish folklore (no disrespect) are popular symbols this time of year. With St. Patrick's Day on the horizon, the little men with their hidden coins, pots of gold and ginger muttonchops are running rampant through the streets spreading their magical mischief...
Erik Griffin Talks ‘Workaholics’, His New Comedy Album and ‘Stingray Coochie’ [INTERVIEW]
To say Erik Griffin got a second chance wouldn't exactly be correct. Getting a second chance means a chance was given, whereas Erik took his second chance on dreams of being in comedy. It's all paying off.
Joe Flacco Used to Laugh at Some of Ray Lewis’ Speeches
After signing an enormous deal to return to the Baltimore Ravens, Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco is probably feeling pretty good about himself. He's feeling so good he's being a little more forthcoming with his opinions about a myriad of topics -- one being former teammate Ray Lewis.
Danielle Fishel Looks So Good on the Cover of Maxim We Want ‘Topanga’
'Boy Meets World' star Danielle Fishel is looking five kinds of fantastic on the cover of the newest issue of Maxim. Fishel is promoting the new spinoff to the 90s favorite that I just decided I'll be DVRing every week.
Fishel, and the other Savage kid, will reprise their original roles for a spinoff about life after Corey and Topanga get married, have a kid, grow miserable with one another and co
Sign the Petition to Make May 20th ‘National Macho Man Randy Savage Day’
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space!" - Macho Man Randy Savage
Everyday, in the United States, we celebrate a national "something" day. There is a National Pancake Day because we're all fat. There is National Donut Day because...wait explained that. It's absurd. It's time for a holiday that celebrates one of our national treasures -- Randy 'Macho
A Review of Taco Bell’s Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
Taco Bell has been an integral block of my food pyramid for almost two decades. Here is where things get a little odd though -- rarely do I stray from the regular. In the beginning the order was always the same -- three Soft Taco Supremes and three regular crunchy tacos -- with an occasional Grilled Stuft Burrito with beef. Boring but always delivered.
Sofia Vergara’s ‘Machete Kills 2′ Poster Proves Her Breasts are Indeed Lethal Weapons
Sofia Vergara is in 'Machete Kills', the sequel to the successful Robert Rodriguez flick staring Danny Trejo and a whole lot of blood. In the sneak peek posters, Vergara lets the world know her breasts have a featured role in the film. Check out the cannons attached to those cannons...
Why Buzzer Beaters Suck [Half a Man]
The ability to shoot video on anything -- smart phones, wristwatches and specially marked cans of Mr. Pibb -- has brought a litany of otherwise unseeable sports moments to the world.
Does this Russian Mail Order Bride Look Like Kate Upton?
Meet Ania, a beautiful young girl who splits her time between Vancouver (not that Vancouver) and Moscow.
McDonald’s Getting Rid of Popular Menu Items — Is Your Favorite Getting the Golden Axe?
McDonald's is shaking up its menu. Except, instead of adding a hundred new items as usual, the Golden Arches is giving the golden axe to some crowd favorites.